The news came to us in the central jungle of Peru, in the temporary house we are using, in a Nomatsiguenga community. A pregnancy test I had saved for the occasion: we would be parents for the second time! Our joy was great, a gift we had been expecting for some months.
A few days later we took advantage of a trip to the city. We were going for health check-ups for our two-year-old daughter and, incidentally, to confirm the pregnancy with a doctor. The ultrasound, however, took the smile off our faces. “Almost confirmed,” the doctor told us, “it is a molar pregnancy and will not be able to continue.” All that remained was to wait two or three weeks for final confirmation and termination of the pregnancy.
That was definitely an unreal day, we didn’t know what to feel. We asked for other opinions, one said it was too early to draw that conclusion, another that it was indeed not going to move forward. In the midst of all the lack of confirmation, sadness suddenly invaded us, without warning, during those days, a sadness that we did not expect to feel with such intensity, even though we trusted in God.
Preparing for Mourning
The next few days were a constant exercise of faith and patience. In the midst of the sudden moments of grief, we tried to carry on with our work. What to do, prepare to mourn or hope it was all a mistake?
“Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the people of the world revere him. For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm.”
Psalm 33:8-9
This was one of the verses of my devotionals in those days. He was the one who did it all, in Him I can trust. We embraced the hope that it was a mistake and asked for comfort if He did indeed decide to take our little one in such a short time.
More confusion but with hope
As the date of the confirmatory exam approached, a situation in our ministry took us to another city. We decided to take advantage of the distance and find a different doctor. I was hoping that a different doctor might be a way to avoid a possible misdiagnosis.
The new doctor confirmed that, although the pregnancy had begun with great risk, we had a baby and it was developing! He told us that we should change Miriam’s vitamins immediately and add some medicine, but that we still had time. She asked us to wait another two weeks.
At home we were on a roller coaster of emotions, between our previous preparation to say goodbye and the new hope. “We were still in time” was a much better diagnosis. “We should wait” he said and so we did.
The doctor wanted those two weeks to see how some of the issues he was concerned about would progress. We sought another second opinion and she was even more positive. So at home we cuddled the baby we already knew was there, asking him to put his heart into the bad start.
The Gift of Confirmation
After those two weeks, we made the long 4.5 hour road trip to the last gynecologist. And then, with a joy that made me feel like I was learning again that I was going to be a dad, I heard the Dr. say, “The baby is fine.” There were some details in my wife’s health, but they were manageable for the time being. We could hear our baby’s heart beating, with a greater force, so different from two weeks ago. We could see him moving around inside his temporary home.
With that news we returned home, after so much back and forth and waiting. After praying so much, after giving our baby to Him in such a real way for Him to take care of. And at this point I am so grateful for the company of our prayer team and friends during this process.
A few days have already passed since this beautiful news, and I still do not lose that clearer sensation that life is a true daily gift. That bad days also come for His children on this earth, and certainly we have already gone through days like this several times, but today, for reasons that only He knows, He is giving us good days. So yes, in these days God gives us the joy of telling you that we are expecting a new baby!
All these days I have not ceased to feel so clearly the fragility of life on earth, and the joy of knowing that I have a Father who has everything under control. This would be too much to write now, I will share it with you later.